Upon hearing that I had a make out session with Awesome
Fireboy: TSG, you realize, at this point, the only way you could make your life more complicated would be to sleep with GB.
TSG: Yeah, that would pretty much do it. Unless I could also find a way to get OQB involved ...
While shopping for handbags
TSG: Ooooh. I love this bag. This one is pretty good too.
OR: I love that their bags are vegan.
TSG: Totally! Man, SnH would be so proud to see me shopping for a handbag.
OR: I think SnH is proud everyday you no longer keep your wallet in your back pocket.
TSG: So true ...
Taken from an IM conversation
Awesome: Well … I should go. I’m effing hungry.
TSG: K. You going to be okay?
Awesome: Yeah.
TSG: K. Go eat. I will talk to you tomorrow most likely. Before you go … tell me that it is a bad idea to talk to the SSM
Awesome: It is a bad idea to talk to the SSM.
Awesome: He wears silly pants.
TSG: It’s good to see you. I am glad we got a chance to see each other while you were in town.
Fireboy: Me too Darlin. It is always good to see you.
Brief kissing interlude
Fireboy: I am so glad you broke up with my best friend so we could go back to kissing.
TSG: Umm ….
Uncontrollable laughter from both erupts
Fireboy: That might not have been the right thing to say. I really have to learn to censor myself better.
TSG: Still laughing No, it is fine, I was sort of thinking the same thing. But actually don’t thank me, thank the SSM.
Fireboy: Yeah, the next time I see him. He man, thanks for being a jerk and dumping her. I was really missing the kissing, so thanks for being a pal.
Both erupt in laughter again
TSG: I think the mood is effectively ruined. Let’s just go to sleep.
TSG: Oooh, remind me when we get to the car that I have gossip to tell.
GB: Ok?
TSG: We need to wait until we are out of the building and in a cone of silence.
GB: Is this a professional cone of silence or a sexual cone of silence?
TSG: Professional Cone of Silence.
GB: Alright.
TSG: When has my sex life ever had a cone of silence?
GB: Good Point.
TSG: So I made a waxing appointment today and when they called to confirm they said “so that will be one Brazilian” and I said “no no no. Just a regular Bikini.” Can you believe that?
GB: You’re not getting a brazilian? You should get a brazilian. Try it.
TSG: No! Not happening
GB: Come on. Do it. Try it.
TSG: No.
GB: Come on. I really think you should do it. I will pay for half.
GB pulls 25.00 from his wallet
TSG stares at the money and GB in disbelief
GB: I went to far didn’t I? The money was too much. I should just put this money away.
TSG: That would be best.
While watching George Michael behind the music
GB: Does he say I will be your father figure (referring to the song Father Figure)
TSG: Yes … the song is called father figure … what did you think the line was
GB: I will be your bottom feeder.
TSG: You’re joking, the song is called Father figure
GB: I guess this shows just how much of a George Michael Fan I am …
***Warning***
This is only a portion of the long conversation we had today. And the language has been partcially edited ... because there are some things that even I don't want to read on a blog ... Enjoy
OQB: gawd I think I’m getting gayer as I age...I’m LOVING pet shop boys right now
TSG: you are getting gayer with age like a good wine ...
OQB: hahahah i prefer cheese...not like smegma though
TSG: or moldy cheese ...ha! no wonder we are friends
OQB: oh and i recycled on Monday
TSG: who did you recycle with ...
OQB: dude named ____, he’s lost so much hair...awwww
TSG: that is sad, for both of you really
OQB: ohohohoh and he acquired a foot fetish. What’s up with the foot thing lately???
TSG: Feet are the new asshole
OQB: HAHAH THAT WAS PERFECT … feet the new asshole, I am going to use that tonight. Ohh and he gave me bruises/hickies on my armpits!!!!
TSG: k, so what we are saying is dude is weird
OQB: weird = hot! LOL … my armpits hurt
TSG: No … foot fuking + armpit hickies= weirdo … man I hope you don't get athletes dick…
OQB: OMG! I HAVENT THOUGHT OF THAT...(OQB walks into Drug Store...um yes..i need some foot powder...oh yes sir right here...YEYEY but i need it for my penis....Um excuse me...yes yes, you heard right.. my penis)
TSG: I am crying at my desk I am laughing so hard ... seriously people are going to wonder what is going on at my desk if I keep laughing like this
I bring you Overheard in My Living Room
A loud belch from GB
Another loud belch from TSG
TSG: I think I am winning the belching contest today.
GB: You might be right.
Pause
GB: But when are we starting the farting contest.
GB audibly farts, and smiles. He is pleased with his work
TSG laughs but wonders how exactly she got to this point in her life.
Overheard on IM while we are in the same house …
TSG says:
want an espresso?
GB says:
you are the queen
TSG says:
well I feel as though I should do something as I was a bit of an asshole last night
GB says:
the coffee should cover it
GB says:
hehe
Well I was going to tell more tales from the weekend, but I realized that most of them are the, you would have had to been there, or at least know the people to be interested kind of stories.
So I hope you enjoyed the silliness above.
TSG
I have a crush on a bartender, and apparently it is showing ...
GB: I saw that
TSG: Saw what?
GB: You totally just flipped your hair when we walked by the bartender
TSG: I did not.
GB: You did so!
TSG: Well, maybe a little.
GB: Good Lord.
I didn’t think it was that obvious but if it helps me catch the bartender, so be it. Just writing about it makes me smile a little.
Tee hee.
The Single Girl
GB thinks this is too obvious and therefore not funny … but we both laughed so I think he is crazy
TSG: Can I help with dinner
GB: No I’m good, but you could set the table
TSG: Sure. Would this be an alcoholic or non alcoholic shrove Tuesday?
GB: I think we both know the answer to that question. 
Isn't that a nice picture. GB made Banana pancakes with berries ... mmm pancakes.
TSG: What should we bring to the engagement party tomorrow?
GB: I don’t know, do we have to bring a gift to an engagement party?
TSG: Yes, we should bring something …
GB: Well, are they registered anywhere yet?
TSG: No. How about a bottle of wine or champagne?
GB: Champagne, Good, I like it … alcoholic and non-committal …
TSG: Exactly, alcoholic and non-committal ... Just like us …
GB drunkenly shoves TSG
TSG laughs at her own wittiness and scowls at GB for shoving her
Okay I know I said I was going to write the funny things said by my family but I am bored with that idea and worry that the bad grammar and miss pronounced words and phrases uttered by my French Canadian Sister in Law are only funny to me and my family. In any case I still have one final story from the holidays so here you go.
As we all had the Norwalk virus on Christmas Eve we had to cancel our usual evening of drinking and partying with family friends. Along with the drinking … and the partying we normally have a gift exchange. One of those games where you can either open a gift or steal one of the gifts that is already open. You have all had to do that at a Holiday party or family gathering … right? If not you get the basic premise. Sadly as we did not do an exchange so no one got a present.
This upset my Aunt greatly as she had bought what she thought was an amazing gift for the exchange. So Christmas night most of the family was feeling well enough to lie on the floor in the living room so we could at least pretend that we had managed a visit with each other and celebrate Christmas. At some point my Aunt brought down her gift for the exchange and told us someone should really open the gift she had purchased for the party the night before. I love opening presents so I agreed to open it and had the following conversation while holding the mystery gift.
Aunt: Do you know what it is?
TSG: Is it a sweater clip? It looks kind of like a sweater clip …
Aunt (with a bit of a giggle): No, guess again.
TSG: OMG is it roach clips?
(my aunt has been known to have hoot or two after dinner so it is not such a strange guess for me to make.)
Aunt: No (glaring at me as if to say please don’t refer to my dope habit in front of my mother). Guess again
TSG: I have no idea …
Aunt (looking in the direction of my 85 year old grandmother): Ask your Nana?
TSG: Nana do you know what this is?
Nana: They look like nipple clips to me dear…
And they were in fact a set of nipple clips. Now tell me does your Nana know a set of nipple clips when she sees them … I didn’t think so.
I promise I will get a photo of the clips and post them for you all very soon.
The Single Girl
TSG: Lady my nose hurts and is red from my cold
The Lady: You should put some Vaseline on it
TSG: Ewwww! Can’t I use skin cream
The Lady: No that will make it flake use Vaseline
TSG: Really? I don’t have Vaseline.
The Lady: Well use K-Y or some other lube …
TSG: OMG
The Lady: I know you have some sort of lube in the house so put that on your nose
TSG: I am not putting lube on my nose. I have to go now
As I was trying to convince the dog to come with me so I could go to bed, GB was trying to convince the dog to snuggle with him instead. The dog went the GB (of course because I was offering a cage and GB was offering his lap) and the following dialogue transpired:
TSG: Dude I want to go to bed give me the dog.
GB: Ha Ha! The Dog likes me better. He is my boyfriend not yours.
TSG: Umm … that is fine as I think of him like a son not a boyfriend
GB: That’s kind of funny … can’t you just see it. Where is GB? Oh out on a date with TSG and OQB’s son.
TSG: LOL … That is kind of funny and disturbing … and yet …
GB: And yet not that far fetched …
Laughter from both GB and TSG and confused looks from the dog
TSG: Give me the dog.
I should also point out that we had a lot to drink last night (read 4 pitchers between 3 people) so it might not be as funny today as it was last night.
The Single Girl
TSG: Do you want tea?
GB: Sure
TSG: What kind?
GB: Dunno what do you have?
TSG: How about mint?
GB: Sure
TSG: Or we have Green, or Ginger, or Laxative or Scottish Breakfast …
GB: you have laxative tea in the house?
TSG: Yeah
GB: The Laxative tea is clearly labeled … right?
TSG: Yeah
GB: That is all I want to know
I am now the proud owner of an ipod nano. I spent most of my Sunday copying music from cd, to my computer and soon it will all go on the ipod. It was a long purchase process and I must thank CMG for driving me all over the city to look at different pods, and checking prices but it was all worth it.
An actual quote as we left the store …
CMG: So are you happy? Do you like your new ipod
TSG: Do I like? If it vibrated I wouldn’t leave the house!