Things, Stuff and Thunder

The rain started falling about twenty minutes ago and ever since it started I can’t help but think of a five hour phone conversation I had with the SSM last summer. Somewhere around hour three or four there was a great lightning show and this storm is similar.

Some days I think I am over it and that he – and us - are a distant memory and all of a sudden I am sitting on my back porch listening to crash into me as the lightning flashes across the sky and I find myself wondering if I will ever have that sort of bond with a boy again. And then I wonder if he has that kind of bond with his new girl.

They are dumb thoughts, sure, but they are, I think, pretty normal.

I disabled my online dating account this week. I just don’t think I am in a place where I can really deal with dating, or more truthfully rejection. Whatever his reasons the “dumping” by the grocer before things had even really had a chance to start left me feeling a little down on myself. Which is totally stupid, and not about him at all probably, more likely about the hurt that I haven’t really taken the time to really explore after the break up with the SSM.

It seem the thunderstorm knows what is going on and wants me to take moment or two to just let me heart sink a little and feel the sadness I have been avoiding for so long. Strangely enough, it kind of feels good.

Don’t you just love the feeling of thunder rumbling through your chest. I do.

The Single Girl

Four Strikes, You're Out

While I can’t say I am totally over my crush I have decided that I will not be pursuing anything for a number of reasons, not the least of which is we are working together right now. I have discovered a few things over the past few days that have made me positive this kid is not worth my time or energy romantically.

Strike One – He is an aspiring actor. I have always thought dating actors was a very very bad idea. If someone has evidence that I am wrong or a story to disprove my theory … I am all ears.

Strike Two – He is a smoker. I stopping smoking 3 ½ years ago and when I stopped smoking I stopped dating smokers, it is gross and quite frankly just a little too tempting a reason to start again.

Strike Three – He has a girlfriend. For all his flirting and chatting in the past week when we were at the bar after work last night he introduced me to some girl and then 20 seconds later they were holding hands and snuggly. Nuff Said

Strike Four (not that we really another strike, three is good for baseball and the girlfriend thing makes this all a non starter, but I feel I must) – He is 27. After four years of dating men in their 20s I am beginning to think it is time for me to look towards more age appropriate lovers for a while. As much fun as Fireboy, Awesome and the SSM were, maturity is a quality I would now like to track.

Realistically even thinking about dating is kind of silly as I have only been “single” for a week or two. Bah, who am I kidding if I could I would be out on the scene dating again if there was anyone worth looking at.

;)

The Single Girl

Oh Hi

This is going to sound hard to believe, but I kinda forgot I had a blog for the past few days. No seriously. Normally even if I don't write something for y'all I at least check the sitemeter to see who has stopped by, but this week, nope, nadda, didn't even cross my mind.

I either have to get better at blogging again or admit after a two year run that maybe the dream has come to an end.

I will let you know, soon.

The Single Girl

Coming Down

I arrived home from my two week vacation to Burning Man and the San Francisco Bay area on Friday and I have to say I am having trouble readjusting to life at home. The trip was amazing, burning man was a great experience and the after holiday with the SSM was wonderful and relaxing. Now I feel like someone coming down after a great high.

Maybe it is a terrible analogy, but have you ever heard an addict talk about how after a really high high, you have to survive the really low low before balancing out. Yeah, that is where I am on the low end after being up in the clouds for two weeks. Exhausted, low and going through holiday and SSM withdrawal.

I am hoping as I get back into the home and work routine it will get better, but day one back at work was pretty tough. Tomorrow will be a better day. And soon I will tell some holiday stories.

Hope you are all doing well and being good to each other.

xo
The Single Girl

Bad Blogger, Very Bad Blogger

I really owe this blog a couple of good posts. I thought I was back in the grove after those to Awesome goodbye posts, but now I can't seem to find the time to write. So here are some of the bullet points of my life.

• The SSM has met a girl. Which is fine, we do have an open relationship and it has actually brought he and I closer as we have spent hours and hours talking about our relationship and having an open relationship and how he can talk to her about all of this.
• The SSM changed his relationship status from single to in an open relationship. I read it and had a small panic attack. Can't quite decide if the panic was excitement or fear or both. I opted just to remove my status entirely.
  
• I got really really plowed two weeks ago by accident. You know if you don't eat, drinking for hours on end while lying in a hammock, not the wisest move to make. Apparently I was kissing a guy at the party we were at. I couldn't pick him out in a line up if you paid me
• Last weekend I met a guy. So far his only nickname is Tall and Skinny - given to him by Awesome. We were at a party together and we ended up going for a walk and looking at the full moon and swinging on swings. He kissed me on the playground equipment. We are suppose to go on a date next week.
  

I am sure there is more, but I really have to get to work.

The Single Girl

Soon, Just Not Now

I have a bunch of stories to tell not the least of which is the SSM meeting my family and spending the weekend with us. Then there is the story about getting really really drunk – accidentally this weekend. And then there is the conversation I just finished having with the SSM where he told me he had a date on Saturday night.

But right now I need to get some sleep.

Something soon, I promise.

xo

TSG

I tried

I saw this great band called Sleepercar this week. I wanted to buy one of their songs and share it with you but itunes is not my friend this evening. So for now I will say check out their myspace page because you can have a sample of their tunes including the one that I fell for Wednesday Nights. Then once you like them as much as I do YOU can buy their music on itunes, even if I can’t.

The lyrics for Wednesday Nights are simple, but were very powerful for me when roomie and I heard them played live. The singer was belting out the chorus a good ten feet from the mic and he filled the auditorium with is voice. Amazing.

For a while I tried
For a while I won
For a while I held your hand
In the setting sun

On the Fifth Day of Detox

My true love gave to me …

Five hard boiled eggs!

Four gala apples,
Three rice cakes,
Two apricots,
And a cup of herbal tea.

Yeah we are at day five of twelve. So far I have been a bit grouchy but actually I feel pretty good today. It is amazing how easy it is to cook real food. I had gotten in to a bad habit of just throwing a pizza in the oven or having a grilled cheese sandwich when I got home from work. Now that I have cooked the last three nights and realized it isn’t that hard or that time consuming I am resolved to be better to my body over the summer and take the time to cook real food for myself as often as possible.

TSG

Cookies and other good things

Last night I went over to Awesome's to watch an episode of LOST that I had missed while visiting the SSM. In exchange for the episode Awesome wanted me to bake cookies. Given what I thought he was going to ask for in exchange for the show I was more than happy to bake some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. We watched LOST, then Battlestar Gallactica, then Family Guy and finally the Simpsons - there was a lot of dough to bake - and then he was getting tired and making noises like I should leave. Fine, I can take a hint so I headed on my way.

Walking out I couldn't find my cellphone. My pants pockets were empty, my jacket was empty so I started routing through my bag. Not in the front pockets, not in the pouch area at the front so I reached into the back. At the bottom of the bag under a bunch of old brochures and other various paper there was something hard I pulled it out thinking I had ound my cellphone, only to grab my long lost ipod. My ipod! I was so happy I almost forgot to continue to look for my cellphone. Which was in the main part of the bag, with my share of the cookies.

The ipod idate gave me died a few weeks ago and I was about to buy a new one with my tax return, but now I don't have to. What a good day.

The Single Girl

Not Good

After my little health scare a few weeks ago, I gave up caffeine. The doc said that I should reduce my caffeine and drink alcohol in moderation, so I decided to just give up caffeine. As for the alcohol… one step at a time doc, one step at a time. I have almost entirely stuck to caffeine free herbal teas when I feel like a hot drink but every once in a while I have a decaf Americano and savor the memory of coffee.

Last night I was out for a nice dinner with a friend and at the end of the meal I decided to have not one but two decaf lattes with dessert. By about midnight last night I was beginning to realize that I wasn’t tired, like at all, and at 1:30am I realized that it must be the decafs, but how could it? Well DECAF HAS CAFFEINE! WTF is up with that?

So today I am functioning on very little sleep, but I will not give in and have caffeine, or even decaf. Well, I might have one decaf …

Stupid decaf, with the caffeine and the tasty tasty coffee flavour … grumble, grumble grumble.

Busy ... but what else is new

No real time for an update this morning, I should be at the gym but I slept in, Although getting up at 6:40 is hardly sleeping in.

I am a busy girl this week, people coming for dinner, a symphony, a play, helping a friend move into town (woot!), but I did find the time to add two new dreamers to my blog roll, so check them out!

Gotta run!

TSG

bullet time

• The visit with the SSM was lovely, although all too brief.
• I had a dream last night that my ex boyfriend sent me a letter in the mail updating me on his life,thanking me for being good to him while we were together and gave me a cheque for $16,000.00. Weird.
  
• I was given an indecent proposal by a friend last week, I said no but it was flattering all the same. I have a feeling he may continue to pursue me. More on that story as it develops.
  
• Fireboy and I had a great talk yesterday. Regular stuff, less intense relationship talk ... it made me happy.
• All the mom's are gone from our house. It was nice but it is good to have the house back.
• I am hanging out with Awesome's ex-girlfriend tonight. We are both excited because we haven't seen each other in months.
  
• I am going to visit the SSM for a week in April. Woot!
  

More soon. But right now ... BRUNCH!

Mom swap

The Lady flew out yesterday afternoon after a wonderful week long visit. We went out for drinks and dinners, to the theatre and enjoyed time at home playing cards. She met Mr. Awesome and spent time with GB roomie and I. I will really miss the laundry service, but starting next week I should be able keep on top of my domestic duties.

Bye Lady! We will miss you.

As she was headed to the airport Roomies mom was landing in the city for a two week visist. She is here to spend time with her daughter (obviously) and to work on the basement apartment renovations. Woot, renos! GB told me that he left the house yesterday at 10:30 and the Lady was on the couch reading, and when he came home Roomies Mom was napping on the same couch.

It all gets more interesting starting Monday when the SSM arrives and we are a full house for a week. Luckily GB is away on Business so we have an extra room for the extra mom in the house.

Between the moms, the renos and the work commitments this week has been really busy, but starting next week my life should be more manageable and I am hoping to get back to the blogging again. Well, as long as I can find some time to blog when the SSM is not around. Wouldn’t want him snooping around here.

See you next week!

TSG

Right Now

On Saturday afternoon I was at the esthetician having all the hair unceremoniously ripped from my legs and I heard a song come on the radio. Given the situation, it is pretty amazing that the lyrics grabbed me so quickly and moved me out of the room, far away from the ripping and the pain and into my own head.

I often think that my life timing is really good in some ways – career, friendships – and really bad in others – romantic relationships. If I was to make a guess, I would say that in almost all of my relationships I have been about six months off the mark. Either walking in to someone’s life to early or too late. It isn't always them, sometimes it's me, but who ever the culprit is timing seems to be a big problem. Careers, past relationships, current relationships, circumstance, distance have all played a part and if I had only (or they had) been there a little before or a little after things might be different.

But back to the song that got me thinking about all this…

I was a busy girl yesterday and forgot to look them up, but I woke up this morning thinking of the opening lyrics; Don't know why I'm still afraid, If you weren't real I would make you up. I have now found it and brought to you. Hope you like the song. I do.

Life in the Fast Lane

Man, I wish I was writing a post about going out and getting tipsy and meeting some hot young boy – whom I would give a witty nickname - but the title, Life in the Fast Lane, refers only to the state of affairs at work.

Today marks my first full day off in 14 days. Not that uncommon in the working world, I know, but the last six days have been long days, ranging from 10 – 16 hours each and I am now beat.

I think things will be fine and settle down at work in about a month, but I may not be posting much over the coming weeks as I seem to be getting home late every night and crashing hard not long after I get there.

Sorry gang, I know I am here to keep the dream alive … but sometimes a girl has got to work hard in order to justify playing so hard.

Much love,

The Single Girl

Boots!

I, like many women have an addiction to shoes, well more specifically to boots these days. I have between 10 and 15 pairs of boots in my closet. Some ankle, some knee high, some black, some brown, some red and I love them all. But make no mistake it is an addiction.

Last week while away on business I happened into the bank of John Fluevog and discovered a sale! Not just any sale but a 60% off sale. Even though I had bought two pair of boots (one brown, one black) less then a month ago I had to get these Fluevogs. They were knee high, cheap, apricot and needed a good home. Besides I don’t own any Fluevogs … and I really really should.

It is still a little too cold here to wear them outside, but soon, my new Mallorys will be hitting the town with me.

Now though, I must resist the urge to buy boots until the fall. I don’t really need anymore and I can’t continue to spend money on boots every month .. wait I have to imagine that I can for a moment … alright back to reality. I the single girl … will not buy any new fashion boots until further notice. There I said it.

A picture of my beautiful boots will be posted soon so you too can enjoy them in all their Fluevogian glory.

The Single Girl

Thankful

I have to admit that I am a bit of a princess when it comes to traveling. I love being in a hotel with a king size bed, lots of pillows, a bathrobe and good shower. I even like making the little pot of bad coffee in the morning. It all feels so divine to me.

This business trip has a pretty good hotel. King size bed, check, seven pillows, check, a good shower, check … still haven’t checked on a bathrobe, but that is fine. I had this moment last night where I was talking with a colleague and I thought, I love my work, I am a very, very lucky girl. I get to go and feel like I am playing while I work. Who gets to do that? Travel, stay at a hotel and love working the whole time you are traveling.

Sometimes it is good to just stop, take stock and realize that life is good.

Hope you all can find a moment to stop and enjoy your world today.

The Single Girl

I Am Not an Animal

I didn’t have a date with iDate last night. He canceled a few hours before, saying he was tired and hadn’t had a day off in a long time and was worried that he wouldn’t be good company because he felt like a bump on a log. It sort of sucked when I read the message but really, I needed to go home and pack for my business trip so I wasn’t devastated. He did tell me to call him when I get back from my trip and we will go out then … his treat since he canceled, so it isn’t all bad.

To be honest … I am sort of glad we canceled because it was so cold here yesterday that I got FROST BITE ON MY EARLOBE and wasn’t feeling all that attractive. Hopefully by next week my ear won’t hurt or look like it should be amputated. Seriously dudes - when GB looked at it and grimaced I said your look says “wow, maybe that should be amputated. Hmm, would that make it look better or worse.” “Yeah, well I do have a sharp pair of scissors in my desk drawer…” “Not cool man, not cool.” Lord knows if I did go out last night I would have shared that brief exchange and shown off my grotesque, mutated ear and scared the poor man off before he got to know my softer side. I can just see him politely telling me he has an early morning running from the pub with a slightly disturbed look on his face and me screaming “I am not an animal.”

Sometimes my inability to keep my life and thoughts to myself can get me in trouble with people I don’t know very well. That makes this blog a good outlet, I can tell all of you about the pain, redness and blister on my ear and leave the nice topics to the people I meet out in the world.

Speaking of which … I am on a business trip, time to go out and do some business.

xo

TSG

Sorry Gang

Every time I try to write this week it feels wrong. There is a lot to say but no words to express.

You know?

I promise, I will find my my words soon.

TSG

Animal Kindgom

This morning walking to work I saw a coyote or a something coyote like devouring a squirrel while half a dozen magpies waited for the leftovers. It is both horrifying and fascinating to watch. Watching the coyote eat wasn’t the horrifying part, the magpies watching and waiting was more horrifying really. These birds about the same size as the squirrel smacking their lips waiting for their chance at the carcass made me strangely sad for the state of animal affairs. I realize I was just anthropomorphizing all the players into some strange human society, but it still made me feel a little down.

Anything weird happening in your worlds on this fine Monday?

The Single Girl