Things, Stuff and Thunder

The rain started falling about twenty minutes ago and ever since it started I can’t help but think of a five hour phone conversation I had with the SSM last summer. Somewhere around hour three or four there was a great lightning show and this storm is similar.

Some days I think I am over it and that he – and us - are a distant memory and all of a sudden I am sitting on my back porch listening to crash into me as the lightning flashes across the sky and I find myself wondering if I will ever have that sort of bond with a boy again. And then I wonder if he has that kind of bond with his new girl.

They are dumb thoughts, sure, but they are, I think, pretty normal.

I disabled my online dating account this week. I just don’t think I am in a place where I can really deal with dating, or more truthfully rejection. Whatever his reasons the “dumping” by the grocer before things had even really had a chance to start left me feeling a little down on myself. Which is totally stupid, and not about him at all probably, more likely about the hurt that I haven’t really taken the time to really explore after the break up with the SSM.

It seem the thunderstorm knows what is going on and wants me to take moment or two to just let me heart sink a little and feel the sadness I have been avoiding for so long. Strangely enough, it kind of feels good.

Don’t you just love the feeling of thunder rumbling through your chest. I do.

The Single Girl