Once More, With Feeling ….

At the end of what can only be described as one of the worst days of work I have experienced I got a text from the SSM asking me if I wanted to have dinner. I accepted of course, partially because I wanted to see him and partially because I was hoping he was going to tell me he wanted to try to make this work.

It was a bit confusing for the first part of dinner he was all hand holdy and looking me in the eye and saying he had plans for me and he was only a plane ride away and then we started talking about our chat the night before I and said I was confused. I told him that I thought I had gotten my walking papers the night before but now I wasn’t sure. He sat silent for a long time before he told me that I was right, I was in fact dumped the night previous. Then he welled up and said that I was great and this is great but that he can’t handle a relationship right now. And sitting there holding his hand in my local pub I looked him right in the eye and said “You’re an Idiot.”

We left the restaurant and walked to the park and talked a little more.

“Why did you ask me what I needed last night?” I inquired after a long silence.
“Because if it was something I could do I would do it. And if it was something I couldn’t well at least I would know.”
“All I need you to do is try, but you aren’t willing to do that.”
“No I can’t. But really, TSG, if we tried we would probably end up hurting each other more.”
“You’re probably right” I said and he looked at me like see, this is for the best. “But I was willing to take that chance.”

And that was it. There was nothing more to say. We got up and walked back to my house in silence. He meandered at the door for a while looking sad and sorry and defeated. “Go, have fun. There is a party waiting for you” I said. He looked at me and mumbled something about hating to see me hurt and not wanting to go. “You know you can come back, you know where the keys are if you need to see me. You know you will see me tomorrow at your going away party. So go have fun. I will be fine. You will be fine.” And with that he left. After the door closed I crumbled into tears on the floor of the kitchen for about ten minutes.

Tonight is his party and I can’t decide what to do. The roomies have both offered to do what ever I need or want to do. They will come with me to the party or they will take me somewhere else, or they will sit with me at home. It is his last night in town and part of me wants to say goodbye, but most of me doesn’t have the emotional energy to see him and do this and feel this all again tonight.

Who would have thought this guy would be hurting me and making me weepy?

Certainly not me.

The Single Girl