The importance of a good bed

Last night I spent the better part of a pint explaining to a table full 20 something boys the importance of a good bed. It is shocking to me, but most single men under the age of 30 don’t understand the importance of a good bed. As I explained the importance of a comfortable place to bring “the ladies” and how important a bed is for your back many of them stared at me blankly. Boys would rather have a Wii than have a comfortable place to sleep. Not to sound all mom about it but a good bed is really important in the long term for your back as well as a good night sleep.

If you are a young man and you want to have women over to your pad for a good time and a sleep over nothing will kill the mood faster than a spring in the middle of your back while trying to get it on or worse while you are trying to get some post coital sleep.

So please, single men of the world, take a trip to your local mattress warehouse and buy yourself a decent queen size bed. You love life and your back will thank you.

The Single Girl

How the music affects my mood

After spending the day listening to Modest Mouse … I am feeling a little dark and twisty, but in a fun way. As I prepare to leave I am reveling in the lyrics “Are you dead or are you sleeping. Are you dead or are you sleeping. Are you dead or are you sleeping. God I sure hope you are dead!”

There is something about eff you lyrics that pump me up and make me feel all cute and evil inside. On that note I am off to the bar to cause some trouble before I go to a lovely dinner party.

Kinks and kisses

TSG

A little bit strange … and yet …

So there is this guy … I don’t even have a nickname for him yet cause he is such a non entity in my life and yet, we have been chatting via email for just over a week now and I am starting to think he is interesting in a weird kinda way. HELP!

We met through a friend about 2 months ago and rarely been in touch until last week when he wanted to get my opinion on something work related (i.e. related to the work I do). Since then we have emailed almost daily still about the work thing but with each email we get progressively friendlier and say more jokey things. Today I almost asked him to go to a show with me because I have free passes for tonight, but he never responded to my last note, so I figured it was a sign that I shouldn’t.

What makes him strange you ask? Well, he was one of the guys who was talking about the geek hierarchy chart and when we met he was gently hitting on me and there is this picture that GB took of us where he is hanging off me like some sort of puppy dog which I have never been a fan of and (this one will sound shallow) he dresses badly – like those pants make you look very hippy sir, kind of bad and well, he is just strange. It is moments like this where I think about the men like this, this and this and wonder if I should call them. They may not be ideal but at least they aren’t talking about dating furies.

Thanks for listening, I know what I have to do, or not do in this case. I think after reading this we can all agree I need to break the resolution before I do something really stupid.

The Single Girl

Re-evaluating the Resolution

I’m getting a bit cranky these days. I thought some vacation time would shake it, or the return to the gym, or the calming of all things work related … but no … I appear to be more of a bitch now then I was back when work was insane and I was drinking my blues away with GB and the bartender.

I am beginning to think that this whole New Year’s resolution to steer clear of a good time is taking its toll on me and potentially the people around me. I think it is high time this single girl hit the town and did some dancing and flirting and maybe just maybe gave out her number or exchanged some saliva with some lucky bar boy. It has been months since I have gone to a club and let men buy me shots and dance with me. I could be the cure all I am looking for I am not sure I am ready to totally through in the towel and “give someone my flower” quite yet but some good old fashion making out is definitely in order.

I think this is both a healthy and noble mission I am about to set off on. Wish me luck in my endeavor to change some young mans life for one night (or maybe two). If this actually works I am a simple, simple woman.

xo
The Single Girl

Overheard in my Livingroom

While watching George Michael behind the music

GB: Does he say I will be your father figure (referring to the song Father Figure)

TSG: Yes … the song is called father figure … what did you think the line was

GB: I will be your bottom feeder.

TSG: You’re joking, the song is called Father figure

GB: I guess this shows just how much of a George Michael Fan I am …

Blocked by the banality of it all

I have now started 4 different blog posts and trashed them all. I began with a story about counseling our intern through her first hangover and worrying that my biggest contribution to the world might be my ability to drink or my ability to quell a hangover. Then I started another one about the fact that after three straight days I am officially sick of beer and nachos (well the nacho part at least) and that the world rebalanced itself on the forth day with a work event featuring free wine and high end nibblies. The third time I opened my word document full of blog entries I was thinking about – but never started – a post about examining my past only to realize I have always been happier when I have a bunch of boys orbiting around me rather than just one monogamous relationship and maybe I should more seriously look at polyamory as a lifestyle choice. And finally I was going to write a post entitled I my heart (with graphic that I can't make work right now) job but I realized all I really wanted to do was create an I heart ____ title for a post so I dropped it. Now I am writing about writing and as [redacted] noted last week that apparently taboo. Oh well this is what your getting today so deal gang.

It all will get more interesting. It all will get more interesting. It all will get more interesting. It all will get more interesting. (Chant it with me and it might come true)

Xo
The Single Girl

Just when you think it is all getting boring …

I was actually starting to wonder if life was going to move out of the fast lane for a while and make a move into the carpool lane for a couple of weeks. After the busy month at work and the fabulous vacation with GB I was starting to think that maybe for the next few weeks I would be forced to lay low, take a break, let someone else keep the dream alive for a while. Believe it or not last night I was actually happy with the thought of coming home right after work, cooking meals, watching TV and hangin with the homies while we wait for spring to really arrive.

I am sure some of you are thinking, but Single Girl don’t you want to be the life of the party, meet young boys, have fabulous adventures? Of course but sometimes a girl needs to take some time and refuel, examine her life and think about the summer of parties to come. And truth be told I am still reeling a little from my encounter with the Original Archetype and wonder if I should change a few of my habits.

But then Awesome called – well wrote on my wall in facebook actually - to see if I want to get together for drinks. Whew! Existential crisis averted, back to the shallow search for a good time and a good story.

I have varying thoughts about having drinks with Aweome;

1. I like beer, so yeah drinks sound good;
2. I like Awesome, so yeah having drinks sounds good;
3. Life in the romantic department has slowed to a dead crawl in the last while so the potential for something is good. Kissing and beer go great together (really, you should try it)
4. Awesome would be a version of the same blue eyed jerk I have been dating for the last 15 years so maybe I should work on breaking that pattern by not having drinks;
5. Do I really want to fall back into the strange vortex of seeing Awesome, then not seeing him, then thinking I am crazy, then thinking he is screening, only to have him pop back up in my life weeks after I have written him off?

What have I decided? I will probably have drinks with him anyway for the amusement factor if nothing else. He always has good stories and if I get bored I can always count the number of times he uses the word Awesome over the course of the evening. My guess somewhere around 45 … let’s make this interesting shall we fair readers? Let’s make a pool to guess how many times over two drinks (about 60 – 90 minutes) Awesome will say Awesome. Send me your best guess and for the winner … not sure yet but I am sure I can think of some mindless amusing thing for one lucky reader.

Quote of the day:

After making a cruel but funny quip about a waiter …

GB: Along the lines of if a tree falls in the forest, blah blah blah … If a gay man makes a witty albeit nasty remarks about another person but no one is around to hear it, it is still offensive?

The Single Girl

Things that might make me seem … well a little crazy

So tonight instead of doing laundry, making food or even answering emails from friends I was sitting and trolling facebook (as noted earlier in the week, it is my new obsession). And at times as I was looking at photos or funny things people are writing on each others walls I would comment aloud or laugh. This is fine because roomie is at her boyfriend’s and GB is still out of town, but it just occurred to me that the person living in the basement probably thinks that I am a real weirdo.

In other very disturbing news … I have been informed that I am no longer young. I KNOW … I was shocked too, but it turns out, I am a responsible adult who contributes to the world, have friends who are both married and with children and am considered established within my field of work. Who told me I am old - My best friend at work. She informed me that both she and I are getting old and that most of the other women in our office look at us like management so we are not always privy to the high school like stories they share with each other. We get the “I am worried about the future of my career” conversations and other such things.

It is a sad sad state of affairs when the single girl is being turned to for career counseling instead of the hot new office/boy gossip. I think I require a glass of wine to deal with my shock.

The Single Girl

I am searching ...

For something witty or interesting to post but so far today I haven’t come up with much. Maybe because after a great vacation with GB I had to work a twelve hour day for my first day back, or because I am so tired from being out until 2am last night with the original archetype (new name for Mr. McA) telling stories and getting caught up after 15 years or maybe it is my new addiction to facebook.

Whatever it is, I think it is going to take me a few days to get back into the swing of things and back to the regular posting.

Thanks for your patience; we will soon return you to our regularly scheduled program.

The Single Girl

Blue Eyes

There is a joke/theory about how I choose the men I date, put me in a room with a group of men and I will inevitably choose or be drawn to the biggest asshole with blue eyes. Yesterday it was brought to my attention that this is not a new phenomenon but has been true since I started dating many moons ago.

Yesterday while on the plane to my second vacation destination I was stopped on my way out of the bathroom by a man with reddish blond hair and blue eyes in his early thirties. "Excuse me, did you grow up in the small town of _____, by any chance?" He asked. "Yes" I responded quizzically as I scanned his face for any recognizable features. "I thought that was you. I grew up there too my name is Mr. McAsshole (not his real name). I thought it was you in the airport but I wasn't sure, but when you just walked by I knew I had to ask. There is an empty seat beside me come and sit down, we can catch up."

Mr. McA was the first boy I ever kissed in high school. He was my neighbour, a jock, the black sheep of his family, a trouble maker in school and he had while blond hair and blue eyes. I was smitten. For a whole year we walked home from school together, had science, math and history together and I don't think he really knew I was alive.

At some point we ended up working on a project together for one of our classes. We were goofing off more than we were working and at some point, when we should have been working we were kissing. This happened a few more times over the course of the semester but nothing ever became of our innocent trysts. Within the year he and his family left town and I moved on to other boys with blue eyes.

As I sat on the plane with him, listening to him talk about his upcoming divorce, his adventures, his expensive suits, and his numerous sexual exploits I thought to myself what was I ever attracted to? This bravado is kinda sad. Then I started to think about some of the other blue eyed gems that have pasted though my life and he could have been almost anyone of them. They are all; smart, outgoing, have issues with authority, the life of the party, emotionally unavailable and above all else an Asshole.

What have I learned? Maybe nothing, or maybe the next time I am in a room with a group of men I will look for something a little deeper than blue eyes.

The Single Girl

Life on the Road

Warning*** I am posting blind without spell check so please be kind.

What can I say about vacationing ... it is great, although I am hungover a fair amount.

The weekend was spent with Dad, the Lady and GB back in my hometown.

We arrived in town around 1pm on Saturday and were greeted with mimosas and homemade croissants - I love going home. GB and I then did the 50 cent tour of town before coming home and having a five course dinner with wine pairings. Mmm Mmm good. Then off to a party for one of my best friends.

It was great we walked in the door to her parents house and she was so surprised to see me she almost jumped out of her skin. I love making people happy. So we sat and drank with all the folks until the beer ran out at and then GB and I stumbled home for a little rest.

I had been saying all day Saturday that I was going to get up early and go to the gym for a run on Sunday, but somehow, after the bucket of beer and large amounts of wine it never quite happened - so there was much razzing from GB and The Lady. Instead I did get up and do all the dishes in the morning from the 5 course meal from the night before. Which in my humble opinion was better for everyone.

Then we had some brunch and GB and I went for a hike down by the river to cleanse our bodies a little from the night before. When we returned home around 3pm the best friend from the night before and her husband were at the house having a beer with the folks. So GB and I quickly grabbed a beer from the fridge and we all settled into a perfect Sunday afternoon at home -beer, good stories, torte and shooters! That's right folks spending a Sunday the the parents of the Single Girl includes a round (or in this case two) of shooters. As GB noted the next day, two shots of Zambooka in the middle of your drinking are a real pick me up, so we continued drinking until the beer ran out (bit of a theme there) sometime after dark.

After two solid days of drinking yesterday was a much more measured day for the single girl. Tonight ... well it may not be so calm as I am seeing, GB, Fireboy and OQB ... it could be an adventure.

Kisses to all.

The Single Girl

Holiday … Celebrate …

In about an hour I am going on holidays. I am meeting up with GB and we are doing some traveling. I can’t tell you how excited I am to get out of town, away from work and on my first real holiday (and by real I mean I am not going back to the centre of the universe) since I moved over two years ago.
It has been a long winter so far with a tough January and an extremely busy February. I am hopeful this trip will recharge my juices for both my social and work life.

So consider this your warning fair readers, this single girl may not post for the next ten days because I am not bringing my laptop on holidays! This is a big step for me, and my boss told me that if he gets any emails from me next week I am in big trouble. Off I go into the wild blue yonder …

Happy Trails all!

xo
The Single Girl

I was stood up for my date tonight …

So the bartender of my dreams is dead to me now.

And that is all I have to say about that.

The Single Girl

Overheard by IM (Instant Messenger)

***Warning***

This is only a portion of the long conversation we had today. And the language has been partcially edited ... because there are some things that even I don't want to read on a blog ... Enjoy

OQB: gawd I think I’m getting gayer as I age...I’m LOVING pet shop boys right now

TSG: you are getting gayer with age like a good wine ...

OQB: hahahah i prefer cheese...not like smegma though

TSG: or moldy cheese ...ha! no wonder we are friends

OQB: oh and i recycled on Monday

TSG: who did you recycle with ...

OQB: dude named ____, he’s lost so much hair...awwww

TSG: that is sad, for both of you really

OQB: ohohohoh and he acquired a foot fetish. What’s up with the foot thing lately???

TSG: Feet are the new asshole

OQB: HAHAH THAT WAS PERFECT … feet the new asshole, I am going to use that tonight. Ohh and he gave me bruises/hickies on my armpits!!!!

TSG: k, so what we are saying is dude is weird

OQB: weird = hot! LOL … my armpits hurt

TSG: No … foot fuking + armpit hickies= weirdo … man I hope you don't get athletes dick…

OQB: OMG! I HAVENT THOUGHT OF THAT...(OQB walks into Drug Store...um yes..i need some foot powder...oh yes sir right here...YEYEY but i need it for my penis....Um excuse me...yes yes, you heard right.. my penis)

TSG: I am crying at my desk I am laughing so hard ... seriously people are going to wonder what is going on at my desk if I keep laughing like this

I lieu of stories from the weekend …

I bring you Overheard in My Living Room

A loud belch from GB

Another loud belch from TSG

TSG: I think I am winning the belching contest today.

GB: You might be right.

Pause

GB: But when are we starting the farting contest.

GB audibly farts, and smiles. He is pleased with his work

TSG laughs but wonders how exactly she got to this point in her life.



Overheard on IM while we are in the same house …

TSG says:
want an espresso?

GB says:
you are the queen

TSG says:
well I feel as though I should do something as I was a bit of an asshole last night

GB says:
the coffee should cover it

GB says:
hehe


Well I was going to tell more tales from the weekend, but I realized that most of them are the, you would have had to been there, or at least know the people to be interested kind of stories.

So I hope you enjoyed the silliness above.

TSG

Matchmaker, Matchmaker make me a match

By Friday night GB was tired of watching me and the BoMD flirt and flirt, but not do anything about it. So while I was working he took it upon himself to talk to him. “So I think there is a certain Single Girl who has a crush on a certain bar tender. Now, she would never say anything to me, but seriously, BoMD are you going to do something about that?” The BoMD grinned slyly but didn’t say much. He closed his little bar and then joined he and GB us at the pub.

GB found a quiet moment not long after they arrived and told me what he had done. I was a little unimpressed, but GB was unbelievably pleased with himself and said, “My god someone had to do something.” I shrugged in conceit and continued with my socializing. I kept noticing the BoMD eyeing me from across the bar and after a short period of time he made his way next to me and chatting and sometimes rubbing my back when he spoke to me. Then we found a table and sat down and chatted for an hour I got up for a minute and when I came back he was sitting with some of his friends. Oh well, it was only Friday night I still had time to make my move.

Saturday was an unbelievably long day for everyone. My day was split into meetings and events and GB and the BoMD worked solid from noon until around midnight. Even with all that work we still managed to get to the pub and drink like it was the end of the world. And while drinking and socializing with all my friends and co-workers I made my way to the BoMD and plans to go out. I asked out and we are going on Thursday night to see a show together. We have each others numbers now and I am going to call him tomorrow to finalize our plan. Yeah, I finally did it (somewhat thanks to GB).

The rest of the weekend holds a few more stories, but Jenn you were correct, I am recovering so you will have to wait for the rest of stories for another day.

Goodnight Lovelies

The Single Girl

Update ...

So at the end of the day I feel great! I was focused in my all day meeting and am ready to continue into the evening. I think this drinking thing is overrated. I am more productive and I don’t feel like I am going to die.

Now I understand why people go home from the bar before closing.

What a revelation!

TSG

Is that responsibility looming in the horizon?

Last night the unthinkable happened … I did the responsible thing and went home after two beers. There have been numerous occasions in my life where I have thought, I really should go home and I always order another beer, and usually I bring someone down with me so that I will not be the only one feeling awful the next day. But last night I actual said in the middle of what was becoming a booming party at the bar, “no, really I need to go home so I can’t have another drink.”

I hope it is just a blip and not a sign of things to come.

Tonight I am determined to ask out the BoMD! I have a great outfit for the evening and since I am not hungover I am feeling alert, confident and ready to take on the world!

… well maybe I don’t feel that great today, but you get the idea …

The Single Girl

How the blog ruined the lives of those I love …

I received this email early this morning from The Lady:


So I just wanted you to know that I began my workday at 8:30, no that is not accurate, I came to my desk at 8:30 but I foolishly checked your blog right after checking email. Seeing no new posting, I decided to wander to some of the links you provide. After I read snippets from six bloggers, I then went to life on the roof and read through all of the posting there, then to Jill Murray and read all the new postings there which forced me to google skymall where I then wasted a further half hour.

Now I am clear that you and your blogging buddies have effectively ruined my once stellar work ethic.

Hope you are happy with yourself!



So there you have it folks, all of you have ruined her life, I hope you are happy – I am positively giddy!

Enjoy the day lovelies!

xo

The Single Girl