Adventures in Esthetics

WARNING … very graphic post about bikini waxing. Consider yourself warned.

About a week ago The Lady decided she wanted to try waxing … but at home. Sure, why not, it could save a few bucks right now I thought, and how many people really get to bond with their mom over hot wax?

So off to the store we went and spent twenty minutes in the “wax aisle” looking at wax strips, hot wax, cold wax, sugaring, nads … you name it we examined it. In the end my experience and comfort with hot wax tipped the scales to hot wax and strips. Once home, and after a few glasses of wine we decided to try it. First we heated it then applied and RIP! Amazingly it didn’t hurt that much.

Wow, have I just found a great way to save hundreds of dollars a year!

No, no I haven’t. A few days later with my trip to the centre of the universe in front of me I thought, okay, this isn’t so bad, I can totally wax my bikini line on my own – now I wasn’t about to try my first home Brazilian, but come on a little off the sides can’t be that hard.

Lesson #1 ~ Never wax hungover.

Seriously, I was nauseous and shaky when I started on my own, not a good combination when applying and ripping hot wax off your body.

Lesson #2Make sure the wax is hot enough.

Not too hot, not to cold, but just right. Why you ask?

After a few strips on my thighs, I thought to myself, okay, this isn’t so bad, I am ready to take this project close to the panty line. I applied the wax, then the strip and RIP!

And then I almost vomited. I sat down on the towel put my head between my knees and tried to keep my fried egg sandwich down. “Breath, it will be fine, it hurts, but you don’t have to throw up, everything will be fine. Pull yourself together before the lady gets home.” I chanted to myself as I held onto the tub.

It was at this point looked at the patch where I had ripped the wax off and saw it, a hickey. That’s right if use wax that isn’t at the right temperature you will bruise your hair follicles, causing something that looks like a hickey. In my case it was a hickey BESIDE MY VAGINA! Again I put my head between my knees and wondered what I would do if anyone was in the position to see the affected area, which again brought me back to the anti vomit chanting. Once the pain and nausea subsided a little I decided that was enough waxing for today and that it was time to get in the shower and pull out the trusty Gillette for old time sake.

Why am I sharing this story? Amusement for one, because really the visual of me ripping wax strips and gawking at my “hickey” is amusing. More importantly I tell you for education. Please use this story as a proverb: Never wax when hung over and never ever ever use wax that isn’t hot enough.

Coming back one story at a time …

The Single Girl