The Wind

Lying in bed in the room I grew up in I am thrown awake by the sound of the wind in the trees and the swirling thoughts in my brain;

What work didn’t I finish this week – how can I get it done from here;
Is the dog okay back home, does he miss me? Is he eating;
Is everyone okay at the home? Are they taking care of themselves and each other;
My boys here, the ones back home and the rest scattered across the country;
But most of all I have awoke to the reality of what living at home will be like and what I am really here to do.

None of these thought are bad to think about it, just a lot. And they all swirl through my brain as the wind whips through the trees outside my window.

What Sarah Said

I am going home for a few months to be with my family through a difficult period and when ever I think about it my mind instantly goes to the song What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie from the Plans CD.


And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..


It is not going to be easy, but there is no where in the world I would rather be.

xo
Me

Who knew, Today is National Ex-boyfriend Day?

This morning I got an email from Awesome – pretty standard – telling me he has a present to give me before I leave town. I like presents! And we ended up emailing back and forth all morning. Around noon the SSM sent me an instant message asking how the travel plans were going – somewhat strange (like him, ha! but I digress) - and we ended up chatting for a bit. Then at the end of the day my cellphone rang and my ex boyfriend from University (Uni-ex) called - a very strange and rare event – and we also had a lovely conversation for about twenty minutes including my plans to go home.

(Side note, yes I am going home, and I will tell you all about that, but today is national ex-boyfriend day so I am focusing on that).

Anyway, Uni-ex and I chatted for a while about my life, my plans to go home, my work, his new house, his new job, blah blah blah. He asked if he could see me at some point as I would be living close to the centre of the universe. Always thinking of my readers I said “Well the SSM wants me to come to town for Fireboy’s birthday because he is going to be there, so if you come too it could be a great big ex-boyfriend party.” “Um ….” “I’m kidding Uni-ex you don’t have to come to that event. I am sure there will be other opportunities to see you while I am in the area.” “Oh, uhhh, alright.” And the conversation continued on in its friendly way.

Later, while recounting the story to GB, telling him today was national ex-boyfriend day. His response “Everyday is National Ex-boyfriend day for you TSG, think about it.” “Not really, I mean, I … now that you mention it, everyday might be a bit of an ex-boyfriend day.” There could be worse things than having exes you can continue to have a friendly relationship with.

Hee hee, Uni-ex. I can’t stop laughing at that name. He would hate to be called that.

I love it.

TSG

This is a TSG Newsflash

The Single Girl is experiencing higher than normal levels of stress at work and home right now and is unable to commit any time to her bloggerly duties. When asked to comment on the situation TSG said “Can’t talk working.”

We will keep you posted as this story develops.

An Observation

I noticed recently that I have a parallel life happening here and in The Centre of the Universe. What do I mean?

In each place I have a best friend that I live with, a Gay Boyfriend and an ex-lover turned really good friend. Freaky eh? Here I have Roomie, GB and Awesome and there I have BFF, OQB and Fireboy.

I like that I can feel at home in two cities in the world.

Just an observation.

TSG

Overheard in … umm … bed

TSG: It’s good to see you. I am glad we got a chance to see each other while you were in town.

Fireboy: Me too Darlin. It is always good to see you.

Brief kissing interlude

Fireboy: I am so glad you broke up with my best friend so we could go back to kissing.

TSG: Umm ….

Uncontrollable laughter from both erupts

Fireboy: That might not have been the right thing to say. I really have to learn to censor myself better.

TSG: Still laughing No, it is fine, I was sort of thinking the same thing. But actually don’t thank me, thank the SSM.

Fireboy: Yeah, the next time I see him. He man, thanks for being a jerk and dumping her. I was really missing the kissing, so thanks for being a pal.

Both erupt in laughter again

TSG: I think the mood is effectively ruined. Let’s just go to sleep.

I Was Robbed!

Warning TMI post about Waxing …. Consider yourself warned!

GB and I are going to a Wedding in Las Vegas this week so in preparation I went to the esthetician for a bikini wax. My intention was to get your average bikini wax. I had been to this establishment before for a waxing, but this time I had a different woman doing the waxing. I described the treatment I wanted and she began.

Within two minutes I realized her definition of mostly bare and my definition of mostly bare were very,very different when the wax was placed … well … on a very sensitive piece of skin. At this point it is just a little too late to say anything because the wax is already laid. It has to come off so instead of getting half a mohawk I opted to just let her finish what she had already started. At the end looking please with her work she asked if I wanted a smaller strip. NO! I responded. Really this is good let’s stop there.

What does this mean? It means I am going to sin city with what a friend of mine lovingly referred to as a soul patch. I am not impressed with the look and I am very fearful of what is going to happen when it all comes back. But for now it is Viva Las Vegas!

xo
TSG

Wow

Okay ... forget TSG for a minute and go visit a different Single Girl today.

http://advicefromasinglegirl.blogspot.com/2007/10/powerful.html

I hope you find it as interesting and thought provoking as I did.

TSG

Love the Savage Way

Today wasn’t a great day. The slabs were waying pretty heavily from about noon on; but when I came home and started listening The Savage Lovecasts (after months of saying I really should listen) I felt like a new woman. After just 10 minutes I was in a totally different mood. Listening, laughing, appreciating and even at times talking back to my computer as Dan Savage dolled out his advice to callers.

If you are a fan of his column I highly recommend the podcast. They are as witty, honest and insightful as the column but way more interesting because he calls people and has a dialogue with them about their questions and concerns. Never heard of Dan Savage or Savage Love? Get out from that rock you have been living under and go to http://www.thestranger.com/savage.

Trust me it will be a ray of sunshine in your day.

xo
TSG

Plans and Paths

What is it they say about the best laid plans …

Three years ago I was offered a job that took me away from the centre of the universe and everything and everyone I knew. I came here very skeptical of everything but the job and a handful of friends. I never really thought I would call this place home. I always planned to be gone within a year or two. That is the funny thing about plans isn’t it, they change. I was talking to the lady tonight and the conversation turned to life plans and paths.

My plan we always to work hard and be successful, it is what I know, what I love and what I know I can do. My path to get there has never been as certain and my plan. How I get there has never been clear to me. Anytime someone asks me -where do I see myself in five years - I can never tell them because I don’t know. I am coming to realize that the SSM needed to follow through with his plan and find his path. It reminded me of a time when I was so focused on a path that I hurt someone I cared about.

Six months before I took my current job I applied for a job that would have taken me from the centre of the universe and I did so without consulting my boyfriend of over a year. My plan was career and this job fit perfectly into my plan. The day I found out I got the interview I was ecstatic and nervous. I wanted to talk to him about how I was feeling and what was going to happen and he wanted nothing to do with me.

At the time I was really mad at him for leaving me when I needed to talk and figure things out, but in hind site he was probably hurt by the fact that I was planning my future and it didn’t seem to matter whether he was there or not. My plan was about my career and if it diverged from the relationship path, well, that can be the price of success. It wasn’t that I wanted out of the relationship or thought it unimportant, but my plan had been my focus for years and this man hadn’t been around nearly as long. I didn’t end up getting that job and when the time to apply somewhere else rolled around I did consult with him about the possibility of moving and he said he would consider leaving the centre of the universe. But that is another story.

Why did I pull this story from the vault for you today dear reader? Well it seems that I am going to step off the path for a while. I have made a decision to go home to my family for a while because I need to be with them and they would like the assistance. Plans changes, paths fork and life changes in ways we never saw coming.

The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

**From the poem To A Mouse, On Turning Her Up In Her Nest With The Plough by Robert Burns.

The Single Girl

Heavy Times

In a recent conversation with a friend at work I was talking how I feel day to day and I described it as pieces of slate being placed on my back and weighing me down. It isn’t a constant weight though, at any time slabs can be added or taken away with out much rhyme or reason. That description was perfect for both her and I and helped her to contextualize her feelings and fears (her slabs) in that moment. As I read blogs and talk to friends I am realizing that many people in my world are feeling weighed down by life and all the challenges it brings.

Is there something in the air? Are we entering or leaving an astrological shit storm? Or are we all of an age where we question our life- where it is going, what we have accomplished so far and what we have yet in front of us to accomplish/survive/revel in. Or is it just one big coincidence?

I know that this single girl has many aspects of her life in turmoil right now and would love nothing more than to pause everything – step off the train of my life so to speak –take stock and decide what direction I want to move in next. Some days I can chug along without issue and work and life can throw curve balls at me all day and I not only survive but enjoy the challenge. Other days, two or three slabs will be put on my back and I don’t have the strength to crawl out from under their weight to get through the day.

I guess I just wanted to put this out there as a hello you are not alone to my friends who are feeling similarly and to put it down “on paper” for myself as a stepping stone for dealing with all this weight.

It is times like these that I feel the need to point out that life can be fun like this, this and this.

TSG