Surprisingly Satisfying

I deleted my online dating profile. I know it works for lots of people but between the troll and Mr. Online, I have to say I was not impressed with the experience. I didn’t like all the messages from weirdoes and creep-shows, creating and reading lame profile (yeah I am including mine in the lame category) and, well really the whole thing left me with a bad taste in my mouth. It really felt cleansing to get rid of it. So now it’s back to the old school style of dating for me – random men at random parties and bars where at least one of us has drank too much. Ugh.

Speaking of parties, The Single Girl has a bunch of great party invites for the weekend starting with a party in the woods this evening and ending with a fabulous dinner party on Sunday with GB. Oh yeah the SSM also gets home on Monday ;).

With all this activity I am sure there will be lots of stories for everyone when I am back.

Have a great weekend one and all.

The Single Girl

BUSTED!

So Mr. Online finally made contact with me. He popped up on messenger last night and apologized for ditching on Saturday. So I asked him if he was ever going to tell me about his Girlfriend and he said he thought he did when I told him about the SSM. I let him know that in fact he had completely neglected to mention that at any point during the ELEVEN HOURS WE SPENT HANGING OUT.

He asked if I was mad, and said he was sorry. He let me ask a bunch of questions including … are you in an open relationship – to which he answered I can hang out with who I want. To which I responded what does that mean? You can have lunch and go to a movie with who ever he wants, but something like a blow job would be out of the question. He thought that pretty much summed it up.

We talked a little more and he asked for forgiveness and said he liked hanging out with me. I told him that I liked hanging out with him – I mean really I have never been on an 11 hour first date before – but that going forward making out wasn’t going to be an option as long as there was a girl in the picture.

Then I think to change the subject he asked me what I was doing right then so I told him I was creeping around facebook. He seemed uninterested and said he wasn’t that into Facebook. So I looked him up again and told him I was poking him on facebook. He thought that was cute and made some joke about bruising like a peach. I asked if we could be friends and he said sure. We chatted for a little longer and then we on about our evening.

I went back to Facebook to add him as a friend after we were done chatting and found that he has blocked me. I think he might think I am crazy, or not trustworthy. Or maybe he is afraid he will be caught in another lie if I can see his profile. Either way … I don’t think Mr. Online is the kind of guy This Single Girl wants to be talking to anymore.
The Single Girl

Even More Frivolity

I am creating a list of all the men I have kissed in my life. This is not as random as it seems and it is to my last post about third base. Earlier this week the SSM and I were chatting about dating and sex and he off-handedly remarked that he has had sex with just about everyone he has ever kissed. That statement totally shocked me. So I began to wonder just how many people I have kissed since I started kissing and how many I have slept with in relation to that number.

I have kissed a fair number of people in my time (somewhere between 70 – 100, I am still working on the list), and I am happy to report I have not slept with nearly that many people.

It has been sort of fun to track back through my life and think about the boys I have crushed on, kissed, loved, lost and thrown away. Even more fun is remembering the really bad dating stories that go along with some of the kisses.

Take some time this week to think about your list. If you are like me you will remember forgotten encounters over the course of a few days then you will find yourself walking through a busy street or in a meeting and with the biggest grin on your face as remember that person you kissed, but sadly never saw again.

If you like kissing as much as I do … it is totally fun.

xx

TSG

Seriously ... Does Anyone Know This?

Here at Keeping The Dream Alive we like to tackle the really important questions and issues facing the world today. As such my question to all of you is What the hell is 3rd base? J told me to ask a teenager, but I don’t have any at my disposal so I ask all of you.

I know that first base is kissing, and always thought of second base and coping a feel, but at what point are you on third base? I think we can all agree – in the straight world anyway – that a home run is full on intercourse, but third base is a bit fuzzy, don’t you think?

I know there are many other very important things happening in the world, but today this is the answer I need. So please send me your thoughts.

xo

The Single Girl

Living Online pt. 2

Well about 10 minutes after I created my last post I was wandering around the internet and wondering where Mr. Online was – as we were suppose to have a date – and I got to wondering if he was on Facebook. Yep he is. And guess what … it appears he has a girlfriend he forgot to mention.

Goodbye Mr. Online.

TSG

Living Online

There something to be said for not having a personal website, or blog, or facebook, or myspace or even email. Being connected and available to the world is great is some ways but it also has its drawbacks. Recent incidences have made me think about my “connections”, if I should keep them all and how I use them.

Starting a pseudo anonymous website is a bit of a fallacy really. Nothing is truly anonymous. It doesn’t take much snooping around this site to figure out who I am (if you know me). I have known that all along, especially since The Lady likes to point it out to me about once a week.

I created this site for a few close friends back home back in the fall when encouraged by SnH to share my stories. So I did and I sent out the web address to about a dozen people, who then sent it out to a few people or linked it to their site, and so on and so forth my thoughts spread like a disease across the internet. As time wore on I thought about actually telling more people that I know about the site but thought – and still think – no, I don’t want everyone to have total access to my selective private thoughts. Other times over the past ten months I have been informed that different people I know are reading this site and I have then thought - and still do – about deleting the entire blog, or making it an invite only site for my friends to keep up with my high jinx. Ego often got (and still gets) in the way of that thought. Friends and friends of friends would report back that they liked both the writing style and the stories being told. How could I stop? People were enjoying my writing and my stories and I was enjoying writing.

But it doesn’t end with this site, my facebook connection obsession needs to be examined as well. It is a piece of my life that makes me feel a little like a stalker and like I am being stalked. While it is true that the SSM and I never would have begun chatting, then poking, then messengering, and ultimately dating if I wasn’t on facebook, creepying around his page and reading who he is chatting and flirting with without proper context isn’t fair or healthy. Things are fine when we are together and having a conversation about other girls/boys, flirting and other such things, because there is context and we can discuss things. Reading his (and other peoples) status updates, wall posts, super pokes or notes can leave me with strange relationship questions that I don’t ask because they have no real context in life and it makes trouble where there is none. I equate it to snooping through his drawers or computer files, which is really unhealthy, unwise and an extreme invasion of privacy. If there is something I want to know, I should just ask.

The other side of that coin is being found. Over the past few weeks I have been found and contacted by people that I never thought I would see again and others that I never wanted to see again. Six months ago none of these people would have any idea how to find me because there was no easy search for me like there is today. Now I have to deal with people I shut out of my life a long time ago. Sure I can decline, block and ignore but is still opens little doors and windows in my mind that I closed off.

Ultimately I don’t think I will leave facebook or delete my blog today but consider this your warning readers. Someday soon this single girl may just vanish in the night.


The Single Girl

I Have Become a Junkie

The SSM’s return home was a great little reunion. I met him at his apartment on Monday night with wine, cheese and fruit. He was very happy as the long flight had not provided him with any food. We had a very lovely night together and I stayed there to sleep. Well sort of. I had to get up really early to go home get ready for work and go to the dentist for 8am. Needless to say I was very tired at work yesterday. But I muddled through.

At some point in the afternoon I received a message from SSM asking what I was doing and informing me that he finally just got up. We emailed back and forth a few times and then he invited me over. I went to his place – which I was happy to see he had cleaned somewhat in the 12 hours since I had left and we hung out for a few hours. He had even bought ice cream which we shared in bed with the rest of the wine from the night before.

I had forgotten how addictive a new person can be, especially when they are receptive to your being there.

Today … no SSM, cold turkey for a whole 24 hours. I am going to be a productive member of my team at work and come home and cook dinner and tidy the house. But Thursday I am taking the afternoon off and we are spending a bunch of time together.

Hopefully I don’t get the shakes and sweats …

The Single Girl

A New Development

So yesterday was an interesting day. I woke up thinking I would finish my laundry, clean the house, maybe rent a movie and … oh yeah … I had made a date with one of the online guys I had met – which I thought would be a quick coffee after dinner. I was a rainy day so I decided I wanted to make my favourite soup (Tomato, Lentil and Potato … mmm).

I started making soup when Mr. Online popped up on my messenger wanting to chat. We started chatting and told me he was bored and I told him I was making soup and we went back and forth joking for a bit until he commented we were suppose to go on a date today. Oh yeah … well what should we do on a rainy day? Again we went back and forth for a bit on different options then settled on lunch. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop in my neighbourhood at around 2pm and go from there. And go we did.

First we went for lunch at a pub and made small talk over munchies and coffee. The man doesn’t drink (if he only knew the girl he was running with) so I decided it was best if I stuck to the caffeine vice as oppose to the boozy one. After lots of pub food and conversations about work, life, not eating meat (me), not drinking (him), we headed off to the mall to do a bit of shopping. We talked and shopped and walked through the mall for about an hour buying an assortment of things (cologne, silver polish, a Bluetooth, a exfoliating glove). We completed our once through the mall and decided to rent a movie and go back to his place.

As we were driving towards the movie store I commented that we should go to the casino. “Really. Do you ever go to the casino?” He asked “No I have never been to the casino here.” I replied with a laugh. Then we started sharing gambling stories and less than ten minutes later, still in the car, he said “Let’s do it” and we headed to the casino where he showed me how to play craps. Once his money was gone we headed to the movie store where we rented three movies, bought two hopped back in the car and went to his apartment.

Once at his place we watched two movies, I gave him a shoulder massage, we snuggled, made out and talked, a lot. I told him about the SSM and that I wanted to take this slow because of him and because we just met. He was very cool about all of it and really good at drawing conversation out of me. All in all the date was about 11hours and we are going to do it again sometime soon.

Oh how quickly everything changes here in the world of the single girl.

Happy Monday

TSG

10 things …

I had to stay in last night to wait for the return of my luggage which in the moment seemed horrible, then I turned on the TV and 10 Things I Hate About You was on. I don’t know if there is a scene in a romantic movie that tops Heath Ledger singing I love you baby.

Oh and I might have cried just a little when Julia Stiles read her poem 10 things I hate about you at the end of the movie.

Sigh … I am a mess.

TSG

Swimming in My Own Thoughts

There is a lot going on up in my head this week. The visit with the SSM the day I arrived back home has left me with a lot of questions about what I want from this “relationship.”

I have been saying for a long time that I want to try Polyamoury but I haven’t found anyone that I think has the capability to try it until I started hanging out with SSM. Now I am grappling with whether or not I can handle being intimate (and no I am not just talking about sex) with more than one person and those people intimate with other people.

In the abstract I always thought I could do it as I have spent the last few years engaging in nothing but casual relationships and it has never bothered me that they were with other people, because I was dating other people or wasn’t ready to give up any of my casual relationships for any one man that I have met. On Tuesday I was hit square in the face with my own fears, jealousy, inadequacies and wariness about relationships.

The entire plane ride home I was extremely excited, because this boy, a boy that I have come to like, was picking me up at the airport. He changed his flight so he didn’t have to wait another week to see me! Who wouldn’t be a bit giddy. I arrived at the airport and there he was waiting for me by the baggage carousel. I walked slowly up to him and we kissed in the middle of the airport – something I don’t usually do. “I thought you would run and jump into my arms” he said with a grin as he held me. I pulled back a little looked him in the eye, smirked and said “You have met me right? That really isn’t my thing. Besides there is a heavy and expensive laptop in here, and I have been traveling all day. It was never going to happen.” And I kissed him again.

We waited for my luggage for a while snuggling and chatting about this and that. I was pestering him about his status on Messenger as it had read wow, that was scary for a few days and I wanted to know what that meant. Each time I asked him what it meant he wouldn’t tell me, which only peaked my curiousity. Once it was clear my luggage wasn’t going to arrive that day we came back to my home so I could at least drop off my carry on. We were snuggling and kissing in my living room and he looked at me a little nervously and said “ You want to know what was scary? I wanted to tell you that I slept with someone else while you were gone and that scared me.” He said. “Oh” I said. “I am glad you didn’t tell me over Messenger when I first asked. But thank you for your honesty. I do appreciate it” I said and continued kissing him as though he had just told me it was going to rain tonight. In the moment it was the right thing for me to say. He isn’t my boyfriend, we have no exclusive right to one another, and I would rather know the truth.

We went for dinner, then to his place so he could finish packing. It was sometime over dinner that the reality of the sentence “I slept with someone else” really started to hit home. Part of me really wanted to talk about it, find out why he was scared, what this meant, was he going to sleep with her again, does he want a relationship, how does he feel about me, what does he want to do going forward. Instead, I told him – in the spirit of honesty - that I have two dates this week, which I do, well only one is confirmed but the intent is there. It was really stupid – and more in the spirit of jealousy then of honesty - of me to do because before he told me his news I was going to cancel the dates because … I like the SSM and right now I don’t want to date anyone else. I couldn’t say that at the time because it has taken three days to unearth that truth from deep down inside.

Wow … there it is. I like him and want to be with him.

Now what?

Well I think when he comes back I have to tell him I like him. Put it out there – which I have avoided doing with countless men for many years – and let the chips fall where they may. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe in Poly or am against trying it. It means I am trying to break my patterns; leaving people before they leave me; pretending I want really casual when I don’t; being really honest about how I feel; listening to and accepting his feelings, wants and needs. This is where the inadequacy comes in. I have never been good at talking about my feelings in person with boys so this might be a long, tough slog with some missteps along the way. The toughest part will be starting the conversation with him when he is back. Although just writing all this down is a great start. Thanks for being a great sounding board internet.

Maybe I should just send him a link to this entry … then again, maybe not.

The Single Girl

Technical Difficulties

The return home has been a bit exhausting so far and my luggage still hasn’t returned – which I am sure will be a funny story when I get it but right now it isn’t. So please, stand by, we will return you to your regularly scheduled Single Girl shortly.

TSG

!

The SSM changed his flight today so that we could spend a few hours together. I land at 5pm and he leaves a midnight now.

Awwww ... isn't that sweet.

Dear lord what is this man doing to me.

More tomorrow

TSG

And Then I Took My Pants Off

Yesterday the BFF and I decided to make the most of our free day in the third and final city of our work tour and we went shopping in the local market. We each had a list of things we wanted, on the top of my list was a sundress, a red sundress preferably. Something cute that could wear to work and enjoy wearing around the house on the weekend.

The first place we went the man was kind of rude and more than a little annoying. I inquired about a change room so I could try on and potentially buy one of his dresses and he launched into a speech about the expense of real estate and how after these dresses go he would be buying anything again. Right, well it is probably a little tough to move the dresses without a place to try them on I replied and proceeded to pull the dress on over my t-shirt and capris.

Is it too tight? How is colour, can a wear it to work with the t-shirt underneath? “It would be fine without the shirt. Once you take the shirt of it will be fine” the man kept saying. “yeah … great … thanks …” I said as I handed back the blue dress. I looked at the BFF and we kept on moving. “I didn’t like him” I said as I turned up my nose. “I sensed that.” replied BFF with a giggle. “Let’s keep looking.”

We browsed through the vendors but nothing really popped out at us. Some thinks were too tight, not the right colour, the wrong fabric or a combination of all three. Twenty minutes of shopping went by with little luck, and then we encountered a vendor that actually didn’t look that promising but we stopped in anyway. Green dresses, long dresses, flowy blouses … no, no, no. And then, there it was a little red sundress … but it was a small. It looked big for a small so I threw it on over my clothes. BFF and I looked at it and thought is was great; red like I wanted, flowing as a sundress should be, good with the t-shirt on underneath, I think we have it.

“Can I get you a mirror miss?” The nice merchant asked me as the BFF and I were assessing the dress. “Sure, but first I am going to take off my pants.” I replied and took my capris off to have a proper look at the dress. “Can I help?” He said with a laugh and went and got me the mirror.
“I think it is perfect, and I love the fact that it is free.”
“Free Miss?”
“Yeah there is no price on it so it is free right?”
“How much do you think you should pay for it?”
“I don’t know. What do you think BFF? $20?”

At that moment the friend of the merchant spoke up and said, “I wouldn’t pay twenty for it. Give him another price.” “Alright how is fifteen?” I said with a shrug. “Sounds good miss … shall I put it in a bag for you?” “Yeah but I think I will put my pants on first.” “Up to you Miss.” I zipped up, pulled off the dress paid the man and continued on with my shopping afternoon.

Your Ever Modest Single

By The Way … I am Sleeping with your Best Friend

On Tuesday as a part of my whirlwind tour I found myself in the centre of the universe spending time with Fireboy. He recently moved into a new apartment and the SSM asked me to check it out while I was there and make sure his couch worth surfing on when he is there next week. As I am sure you can figure out from the title Fireboy and SSM are best friends so I thought it was appropriate to tell Fireboy about my new status with the SSM.

“So I have some news.” I said as he made me a cup of coffee.
“Really? What’s that?”
“I’ve started seeing someone, kind of.”
“Really? You know I was on Facebook the other day, as I do about once a week just to confirm that I don’t like it and I was looking at your wall and I thought, wow they (me and the SSM) are awfully flirty.” He paused, smiled at me and said “Are you making out with my best friend?”
“Yes, yes I am.” I said with a Cheshire cat grin.
“Are you sleeping with my best friend?”
“Yes, yes I am.”
“You would have to pick my best friend.”
“Hey man, you set us up. You have no one to blame but yourself.”
Then we both laughed.

The rest of the afternoon was spent doing his laundry, having coffee and talking about life, love, careers, the future … you know all the little things. We made the decision that we shouldn’t fool around even though things with the SSM and I are still casual - it would be too weird. It was a nice afternoon with Fireboy, and the most innocent we have ever spent. Around 5 we made our way to meet up with OQB and enjoy and evening of burlesque and debauchery.

More on that another day.

Hugs

The Ever Traveling Single Girl

The Back of the Bus

I have now hit the middle of my journey and I have to say I am already pretty tired. The first leg was a great conference and I got to stay with my BFF – yeah she now has a nickname – for three nights in a great hotel room. The days were filled with work and the nights were filled with networking (read; drinking).

On the last night of the conference we had the closing night party; dinner, drinks and lots of conversation and stories with people from across the county. At the end of the night a school bus has been arranged to transport the delegates from the party to the hotel. BFF and I were on the last bus and when we got on we were ushered to the back of the bus by our friends.

Once there someone started passing around a mickey of Sambuca. I of course could not resist and took a slug. Then I decided photographic evidence of the drinking was necessary so I gave my camera to the BFF and told her to take a picture – so I had another gulp. The bottle went around a few times and I am sure I had three or four shots before the bottle was finished. I had entirely forgotten how bumpy the back of a school bus is especially when you are trying to keep all your teeth while drinking out of a bottle.

After the bus ride we then piled out and 15 of us headed to the bar for a few more goodbye pints. I had three, and managed to break a martini glass while gesturing widely about something terrible important I am sure.

I finally left the bar at 1:30 (I think) and returned to my room to catch a measly five hours of sleep before commencing my long, long travel day. At note for all you readers out there, if you know you have to fly don’t go out and drink Sambuca the night before. It just makes for a very difficult day.

Must run, today I am getting my hair cut, seeing family, then Fireboy and OQB!

xo

The Single Girl