On Saturday I was treated to a free make over at an over priced makeup/skincare counter of my local department store. I had been given a free facial as a promotion during a work event but when I called on Wednesday to book a weekend facial the woman informed me that they did not have any facial appointments available for the next few days because they providing free makeovers all weekend. I thought to myself, why not a few make up tips from a pro never hurt anyone so I got myself signed up for a free makeover.
So on Saturday afternoon feeling pretty excited about a free make up job I sat down with the consultant and she began looking at my skin. “What products do you use to wash your face.” She inquired with slightly pursed lips. “Cetaphil” I replied, confident about the answer – because I know it is dermatologist recommended – and she looked at me as though I had just eaten feces. So I continued with “And then I use a toner …” (bold face lie but I felt severely judged). “Okay. So how often do you exfoliate?” she asked. “I don’t really.” I replied slowly. “Oh you must! You must get rid of the dead cells. Okay here is what we are going to do. We are going to use this cream to deal with the redness and I am going to get you a free sample to deal with the redness, and your pores … and we are definitely going to need something for your eyes.” And off she went.
Okay, I am willing to admit that my daily cleansing routine is pretty basic but it isn’t as though I look like the living dead. I mean really this woman had – in under two minutes – made me feel like I was old, not just old but as though the bags and blackness under my eyes was so severe that she needed to get me eye cream not just for my well being but to save the eyes of anyone who is forced to look at me.
When she came back she could barely hold all the free samples there were so many. There was an eye cream, a skin cream, a gel, a buffer, a masque and a lotion. She explained how I was to use each of these products and then said “So you try these out and see what you like and then you can start to buy them … One at a time” and she patted me on the knee as if to say, “It’s okay, we can’t all have money.” Now I am old, with humongous bags under my eyes and I am too poor to afford to look any better. This is great, why don’t I subject myself to this kind of humiliation more often. I am sure the slightly worried and upset looks on my face were really good for my lines and wrinkles. Great now all I can think about are the lines and wrinkles. Luckily my humiliation at the hands of the skin care expert was complete and I was handed over to the make up artist.
“Sooooooo, how do you usually do your make up” the Colombian make up artist asked. I chortled and he said “Okay.That tells me all I need to know. We will do something light, something nice.” This won’t be bad I thought, a little liner, a little mascara and voila I would be done and my degradation at the hands of these people would be over. Then the spackling began. There was cream (to fix the redness), then foundation, then liner, three different eye shadows, mascara, blush, lip liner, lip stick, lip gloss and finally some sort of spray to keep it all in place. Once the artist was done with his canvas he grabbed the mirror and said “Now you don’t wear much make up so I didn’t do too much. Take a look. I think you will like it It is like you … Only Pretty.” I am not sure if the look on my face registered under all the make up, but I was definitely shocked. “See” he said, “I did blah blah blah and blah blah blah. Subtle you know, just a little accent here and there, so it is like you only prettier.”
He actually said it twice.
I am sure all these people were only doing what they are being paid to do but in less than half hour I was made to feel old, poor and ugly. I have to admit, it was a good make up job, even if it was very shiny and every time I blinked I was sure the wind force from my mascara filled lashes was causing a tornado on the other side of the world. And the free product is great and I will make the samples last as long as possible. To think all that free of charge and served with a smile. Next week, I am going back for more insults and a free facial.
The Single Girl
