No Strings Attached

A good friend of mine once called me the no strings attached girl when it comes to dating and ex boyfriend of mine recently told me that I like to be in the grey area of dating, you know more then a fuck buddy less then a boyfriend. And it is all true - call me what you will but it is where I like to be grey with no strings.

Over my dating lifetime I have enjoyed many long term no strings relationships with some really great guys. I had one lover for almost seven years. We really enjoyed each others company and when we had time, were single and in the same city we would make time to hook up for an evening of cocktails and fun. To keep it going for seven years we would check in by phone every few months just to keep the lines of communication open. When people live out of town there is a limit to how often you can see each other so it is fairly easy to maintain. Living in the grey area in the same city isn’t as easy to maintain. There is a delicate balance of phone calls, dates and keeping your lives separate yet connected enough that you have a basis for conversation.

I have to admit I don’t have much experience with dating casually in the same city – which is not to say I ma not willing to try – it is just more complex. Apparently you actually need to talk about being and staying in the grey area. I can kind of understand that. People can and do make assumptions once you have been hanging out for a considerable length of time or spend a weekend together, or other such things. I however am a firm believer that if you don’t have the “will you be my boyfriend/girlfriend” or the “where is this going conversation” you are not in an exclusive relationship.

Given that history and my how relationships work in my brain I thought I was doing well with my grey stringiness; going on casual dates, calling once a week, living my own life as I have always done. Apparently I am not the master of the grey that I thought I was because Awesome sent me an email on Monday saying he likes me and likes our relationship as it is, but can’t handle having a girlfriend right now and just thought I should know.

DDDDDDUUUUUUHHHHH????

What have I learned? While it is fine not to define your relationship when it is obvious it isn’t going anywhere because you live in different cities or other such complications, when living in the same city you should always have the vaguely awkward conversation that you enjoy dating but don’t want to be exclusive or serious (what ever you are comfortable with) fairly early on so you can both avoid confusion and embarrassment later.

I was slightly tempted to respond by just saying DUH but I thought that would not only lose me the potential of having sex again before the holiday it would also get me uninvited to Awesome’s Christmas party and I don’t want to lose the free dinner, dance, hotel in the mountains and a great excuse to buy a new dress.

Keeping my priorities in check as always.

The Single Girl

ps. I have to send a big shout out to the Ya Yas as they apparently have been apprised of the blog. I hope this petite is making you proud!