Honesty

You know it is not just a Billy Joel song anymore …

I found myself in a conversation about Honesty in relationships last night. It began -with a man we will call S&T- and I discussing about how honest one should be when telling someone you don’t want to date them anymore, as he had just told a woman he didn’t want to date anymore. I believe that in the first three dates I am fully within my rights to screen calls from men I don’t want to date. Call it what you will but it is my preferred methodology. But once past three dates there is an obligation to say something and I believe in being honest, theoretically. Really can a girl who regularly screens really be that honest? But I am getting off topic …
I told S&T that I believe a certain amount of honesty is important. For instance saying it is you not me, I am not ready for a relationship right now, I don’t feel as strongly as you and I don’t want to hurt you are all totally acceptable. Saying something to the effect of I like talking to you but I find you completely unattractive when you take your clothes off, not so good. S&T agreed that this was good and he too believed in honesty then he asked me how honest I want people to be. This my friends is what is sometimes known as the TSN turning point.

The conversation changed directions completely from ending relationships to what S&T is looking for in a relationship and he started asking what I am looking for in a relationship. Then S&T told me he wanted to be honest and told me that he has a date this weekend but he would really like to be with me because he likes me and thinks I am very cute. How does one respond to this while having a conversation about honesty?

I could have defaulted to I am seeing someone right now – as I had mentioned Awesome - but the shock and awe of comment left me speechless. I sort of sputtered something and tried to steer the conversation in another direction. We had a few awkward minutes of small talk and then I removed myself from the conversation.

The honest thing would have been to tell him I was flattered but not interested. As much as I believe in the theory I am not very good at the practice. I got up went to the bathroom and then got into a conversation at the bar with other friends for about 15 minutes. It is the face to face version of the screen. Honestly, it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment.

The Single Girl